Monday, March 17, 2008
Hatred and Anger
Last 4 or 5 days I'm completely down for a strange "event" in my life. I don't know what to do and what reaction could be wise.
This is the story:
I asked in one organization to accept me as a member of an action. It is a paid action and I could have 2 great earnings from it. I could earn some money and I could have a possibility to go out of the house. As said, I live far from towns and villages and normally stay all days in house for months and years. The only way to see human beings for me is when we go in the supermarket.
Yes, I can go out and visit next living places, but I don't like to walk without sense. Specially if to visit the next bar I have to make 2-3 km down the mountain and than 2-3 km up the mountain.
So, I was very happy to find this "offer". 1-2 times a month make a beautiful walk, stay some hours in that place -and they pay you expenses.
So, 4-5 days ago I had to go there for the first time. And I had to stay there with a young girl, about 30 years old, that has to be a sort of boss for me now.
I went to the bus-stop in good time, with 1 hour and 30 minutes in advance to make 25-30 minutes way. But the bus did not pass. It came when I had about 40 minutes. Than in the middle of the way it was broken and at the end the road was closed by police and all the traffic was stopped. When I understood, that I had to do something, I was just late. I went out from the bus and ... run 3 km till the place.
I bet you, I've never made 3 km at a run in my life. And if you would say me to repeat it now, I don't think I would be able to do it. But in that moment I thought only: I asked people to accept me and they did it - and after that I do not come for the work.
I reached the place with 25 minutes of delay. I made this way, 3 km, in about 20-23 minutes.
The girl was in the state I've never seen before.
She hated me from all her being.
I was surprized.
I understood that I've never seen somebody who HATES me. With all forces of the soul.
This young girl. That practically had never seen me in her life. I couldn't do anything bad to her for this reason. Logically, she called just all the chiefs, she cryed to me many interesting information about who am I, and her behaviour was ... bad. In confront to a person that could be her mother for the age at least.
I don't like when somebody forgets own place. And know to place these persons where they have to be. So, at the end I was bored with her behaviour.
At this point an interesting change happend with her. She got angry.
Hatred become Anger.
Incredibly, these are completely different expressions of the face.
No, I've simply never thought about it. And as I said befor, I think, I've never seen hatred so in front of me.
It was a Great Lesson of that day.
I tryed to finish the "working time" pacifically. I don't like quarrels and I understand, that the girl had her own problems that she defused on my head. It doesn't change the situation for me -with chiefes and next possibilities of work too. Surely, it's the matter to send me home while they did not want to accept me from the beginning.
Now, there is a meeting for the next 2 weeks of this work on Friday.
And I don't know what to do: to go or not to go.